CAN I GET SOME DOLLAHS WITH ALL THIS CHANGE?!?!

It's been a crrrrrrrrrrrazy two weeks!  I have so much to say but I don't have the natural ability to deliver the short versions of anything and I don't want to bore my readers with a play by play of my crazy, mixed up world! All that I can safely say without chasing you completely away is that I currently do not have a job, a car, or a place to live to speak of...

In.That.Order

BUT..on a brighter note, I started working on a new screenplay!  I figured if my newly found twerking skills to Yonce can't make it thunderstorm on my ass, then I could just write about it.  More entertaining...believe me!

This means absolutely nada!  Just thought it was hella sexy...

Let's just say that change is beyond beautiful and deviously misleading. Depending on how you look at the painting. 

Probably the closet I will get to a Basquiat

I've asked myself a million questions, had too many epiphanies to count, and actually drove around yesterday thinking about what topic I would bring up tonight.  

I've battled with the notion that maybe I'm destined to live a life like Oprah.  No husband and the only kids I have are the ones in an African school across the water,

Black is so BEAUTIFUL

and my plethora of dogs that sleep at the foot of my bed.  

Doesn't seem like a bad life does it?  I battle with that.

Or maybe I'm going to be like Halle Berry and have my first bambina at the ripe age of 42. Unfortunately for me, I don't think my body will quiiiiiite have that bounce back that hers did.  

Either way I'm well past my "I'm getting married at 25 and having my first baby at 27" quota!  And to make the biological clock tick even louder, I haven't met a sperm donor yet!  Not that I'm rushing the process, because I'm not, but it would've been nice to know that this is the guy and when the time is right we will officially show the entire world that we've been having "the sex".

But I'm hoping that this move to a bigger city changes my mind.  Not about being married or having kids, but that it's not a bad thing to be a woman that is career oriented.  A woman that would rather go out to eat versus cooking.  A woman who's idea of a great date involves liquor and me and that guy rapping the lyrics to SpottieOttieDopaliscious at the top of our lungs.  A woman who enjoys going to happy hours.  A woman that doesn't have anything in her refrigerator but a bottle of wine and some carrots....AND IT'S OKAY!!! 

SO THUG!

I'm hoping that one day a man will come and absolutely sweep me off my feet.  Or at least give me a piggy back ride.  I don't ask for much yal.

I'm excited about change right now!  Yes it's hard, it's weird, it's uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable more than I have ever been.  But knowing that from this moment on things won't be where they were before and they will never be the same from this point on makes it all worth it.

Yes I let her drive from time to time....AND WHAT?!  Thug shit!

EMBRACE CHANGE!!

Single Woman Desperately Seeking a Dating in the Church Bylaws Manual....

New year.  New font.  But I'm still the same single. 

Hello all and welcome to 2014!!!!  This is the time where promises are made,

 only to be broken on January 2nd, 

and commitments are made

only to be a no call/no show on the day of reckoning. 

 This year for me however, is the beginning of all things!  I'm transitioning right now.  New city, new wheels, new hallway to walk down, and new job to hate in the future << Hopefully this won't be the case.  This is also my transition into a different approach to dating.

This is going to get a little controversial *sighs*

How many people are old enough to remember this cover?  Loved it!!!!

I've always heard men say to other men that you can always find a good woman in church. 

But weirdly so, I haven't heard a lot of women make that same suggestion towards other women in regards to where to find good men. 

Now various things could account for this.  The ratio of men to women. 

The age of the men in the church.  I mean let's face it, there is one helluva gap!  You got ya babies and then ya got ya elders.  

The social statuses of the in 30+ men in the church.  Honestly, half the men that are legal to drive either come to church with their mothers, wives or are invited by a chic who someday hopes to join the first wives club.  And.....well....although I haven't experienced this a lot in my church residencies, some may say the sexual preferences of some of the men may not be the preference of a woman.

NIECE!!!!!!

With all of this being taken into account even in church, the single, 30+ man once again has the upper hand with a plethora of sometimes saved and sometimes sanctified options!  He has his pickings from the Sis. Lustys of the church (inside joke)

Sorry Meagan but.........

all the way to the formal Pentecostal bench warmer who didn't get the memo that colored lip gloss is allowed. 

It's a preference thing for him really and if he so chooses he can praise and worship his way right into some desperately seeking a God-fearing man, woman's panty drawer.  It's sad. But it's real, and it is happening.

Slightly off the subby >>> Speaking of dating and the church, how does one flirt in church or ask for someone's number?  When do you flirt?  During meet and greet?  And how do you know he/she is feeling you?  Do they hug you a certain way or hold you in the small of your back?  Is it more like a chest hug and is it tighter than the usual "church" hug?  Do you slightly grind during the hug (noticeable to only you two of course)?  Do you flirt at all?  Or do you keep your eyes straight forward and resist the urge to bat an eye?

Back on the saddle!  I'm learning that there are men, in the church, that only want to have sex!  I know, I know....shocker!  There are men in the church who still speak pimp, accept only now they use the power of prayer and take advantage of the exposure that takes place inside the holy walls. 

It has been confirmed that attending church, volunteering at church, praising and worshipping, passing out, and paying tithes does not change the character, purpose, or intentions of any person.  That is totally up to the individual.  Women included! 

If you were a ho in the streets and you bring that inside of the church, the holy walls can't change you!  Just like a wolf.  The holy walls just provide sheeps clothing, but if you pay attention, you can still see it's teeth. 

So as women, how are we to govern ourselves when dating and church cohabitate?  Do we hold these men up to the same low standards as we do players in these mean skreets, or do we set them on pedestals because of their spiritual relationship? 

Something to ponder on while you are working on that new year body, new year spirituality, and all around new you!!!!

Until next time..............

OUT with the OLD......IN with the NEW.......I'm a Single Black Female Breaking ALL my momma's rules!!!!

As 2013 begins to make it's graceful exit and 2014 is less than 12 hours our present, I sit back and reflect on what an awesome year that I've had.  Not awesome because everything was great.  I had some tragic things take place in my life.  But in the same breath I had some groundbreaking things happen that I never thought happen to me!

**In this final entry, instead of using random visuals to explain my stories....I decided to close out the year and bring in the new year with my visuals....as the visuals**  

The most important thing I learned in my 2013 journey was to forgive myself.  Forgive myself for not being perfect, 

I woke up like this....in real life #flawless #beyonceplayswaytoomuch

for being lazy, 

Those glasses were a front.  I was watching Monday Night Football

for preferring to have a glass of wine than be productive, 

for wanting to social network all day if that's what suited my fancy, 

#gymflow #beastin #bymyself #nofilter #inmylane #cantstopwontstop #Ionlydidonesitup #Ialmostdroppedmyphoneonmyface #Imgettingrollsonmyneck #hashtagkillah #socialnetworkcrackhead

for playing when I should be working, 

Black people call it 'dimes'...Other people call it Tripoley...lol

for making a mistake, 

This seemed very appropriate here.  Can't totally throw myself under the bus...lol

...and for wearing the same pants to work 3 days in a row because somewhere along the line between give a dayum and 0 fuxs.....I stopped caring.

Me at work trying to remember what I wore yesterday and the day before that..

Going into 2014, I have no resolutions.  I'm just going to continue to strive to be my total self.  As crazy, messed up, and loving as I am....I'm striving to be all of me and bask in every bit of greatness that God has created me to bask in. 

Going into 2014, I'm transitioning this awesome blog from The Celibacy Rules, to SBF (Single Black Female) in the City.  Not because I've broken the code and divulged in dinkle or because I plan on divulging in dinkle...

I see you lookin.....

lol...but because there is more to this story than whether or not I'm having sex, whether or not he called me back, or whether or not I feel like I'm worth it. 

My truth that I learned through this blog is that not all men are created equal, sometimes I'm just not his type, sometimes he's just not mine, having a weapon and not using it is just as powerful, and most importantly being 'worth it 'has to be more than something that you say. 


So like the year, it's time to change!  Life is changing people and you adjust and change with it.  Don't stand still holding on the past.  Embrace the change and see what new ideas open up for you.  Embrace the change and see what new things lie ahead.

My life in the Dominican......

Try something different, travel somewhere you've never been, try something you've always done a different way!!

As I type this I say HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!  Now let's get to work!!!!!  

Back to business......

Until next time folks!

GOOD GIRLS HAVE TO WEAR EXPENSIVE SHOES.....ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE

Wow okay...so I guess it was meant to be on some level.  I wrote an entry last week and had every intention of coming back to it....but Google said No Ma'am!!! You snooze you lose I guess.  Oh well, I wasn't feeling like that anymore anyway.  I still may touch on the content of that entry though.  

I took yet another week off.  Not because my life is so awesome and I just don't have the time...actually it's quite the opposite.  

There's only so much that one can find to talk about on a weekly period regarding sex she isn't having.  I can drool over my man crushes,

SWEET BABY JESUS THESE MENZ ARE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!
complain about calls I don't receive,

and continue to make my booty jump in the mirror.

**the exercises are working by the way ;)** 

But it gets old and really who cares. It's like watching a rerun over and over again!

So as you all can see I'm in a place.  Not a bad place, just a place.  Almost like a crossroads.  I see where I was and I'm definitely not trying to go back there, but I don't see where I'm going.  I guess this is my road less traveled.  So I got full grown weeds and bushes and trees n shit to fight through.  Hope I don't fall in a ditch or twist an ankle trying to be strong and what not.  

Does every man deserve a chance just because he is a 'good guy'?  I'm changing my attraction radar and opening myself to other types of men that I may of missed because I was chasing the other guy that really didn't want me, but I told myself that he did, but in truth he just liked how I walked or how my lips moved when I talked....oh sorry got off the subby.  But really.  When can I stop scribbling off things on my ideal man?  

And before anyone starts the prayer circle, let's establish that God-fearing is already in the equation. But that's not where options should stop.  Just because he love the Lord doesn't mean he's not a snake in the grass.  Sorry holy rollers, my momma didn't raise a fool in Jesus, she raised a grown woman in Jesus and you can't quote me a scripture and call me Mary!  

Moving forward.  I enjoy attention...but there is a thing as too much!  I don't need a guy that is thirstier than me for no good reason.  Like he's aggressively pursuing me and I'm mildly responding to his advances.  There needs to be a balance.  Fellas you can put on your track shoes to get your chase on, but just make sure you don't pass her in the process.

Finally...well not finally but all I'm saying on this entry.  What about physical attraction? Should that be something that is overlooked once you are 30+ and single as the day is long? Should I just wish for really, really, really dark movie theatres, restaurants, and bedrooms?  What about personality and character?  Should I just throw those ideals in the ocean of youmissedtheboat.com just because he love Jesus and his momma?  I'm not even going to get on kids!  I'll save that for an entire entry! 

All I know is I want to be happy being who I am and I want to feel the same way about someone else!  I want him to love every part of me and not try and make me into what he thinks I should be because my dreams don't match his reality.  It's time to make my dreams a reality.  Not for him....but for me!  That's going to be my new boo!

Until next time folks. 

THE CHASE IS REAL....AND SO IS THE WALK BACK TO THE CAR....

So I took a vacay last week from blogging.  I figured I wanted to enjoy my turkey day too and chill with my fam and friends without thinking about how my phone wasn't ringing, or why I didn't get that text.....oh but I did get the text!

...but it was an 'oh I forgot, but I thought about you' kind and then I have to act all Kool Mo Dee style like I'm not affected.  And honestly I'm to the point in this whole process that I'm not.....completely.

My guards are falling in some places and rising in other places.  Almost like a shift in balance type of situation.  Oh and ONE thing that I have definitely discovered is that the chase is oh so real!!!  You just have to be willing to lose or win in a sense depending on how you look at it. 

ALLOW ME TO BRIEFLY EXPLAIN: What I mean is that you have to be willing to accept that if/when a man pursues you for "the sex", and that may not be completely what he's all about or thinks you're about, but he's sexually attracted to you.  You have to be willing to accept that he may stop chasing you when you hit him with the "no sex in the champagne room" conversation.  This basically means that he may stop giving you attention/time/phone calls/texts.  That doesn't mean that your perfume didn't work, your cooking was bad, convo was whack, or you aren't worth the effort. It could just simply mean that.......drum roll please.....he just stopped chasing you! BOOM!!!!

How do I take it you ask?  Well I used to take it as rejection, and I'm not going to front, I still do in a sense but the fact that he didn't get to see the color of my panties kind of makes my heart pitter patter. 

Nothing like having a winning hand but playing your joker too soon!  That's some spades terminology.  If you don't know how to play just ask one of your black friends that went to college.  They can guide you.

But as usual, I get thirsty from time to time.  This morning I had a thought about this guys lips.  I could've just kept the thought to myself, but I had to text and tell him.  What did I expect to get out of that???? Possibly some freaky back and forth to feed my inner horny maybe? But instead I got a smiley face!!!!! The fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug!  But it was definitely for the best.  Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy I tell ya!

The saga continues next week!