GOOD GIRLS HAVE TO WEAR EXPENSIVE SHOES.....ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE

Wow okay...so I guess it was meant to be on some level.  I wrote an entry last week and had every intention of coming back to it....but Google said No Ma'am!!! You snooze you lose I guess.  Oh well, I wasn't feeling like that anymore anyway.  I still may touch on the content of that entry though.  

I took yet another week off.  Not because my life is so awesome and I just don't have the time...actually it's quite the opposite.  

There's only so much that one can find to talk about on a weekly period regarding sex she isn't having.  I can drool over my man crushes,

SWEET BABY JESUS THESE MENZ ARE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!
complain about calls I don't receive,

and continue to make my booty jump in the mirror.

**the exercises are working by the way ;)** 

But it gets old and really who cares. It's like watching a rerun over and over again!

So as you all can see I'm in a place.  Not a bad place, just a place.  Almost like a crossroads.  I see where I was and I'm definitely not trying to go back there, but I don't see where I'm going.  I guess this is my road less traveled.  So I got full grown weeds and bushes and trees n shit to fight through.  Hope I don't fall in a ditch or twist an ankle trying to be strong and what not.  

Does every man deserve a chance just because he is a 'good guy'?  I'm changing my attraction radar and opening myself to other types of men that I may of missed because I was chasing the other guy that really didn't want me, but I told myself that he did, but in truth he just liked how I walked or how my lips moved when I talked....oh sorry got off the subby.  But really.  When can I stop scribbling off things on my ideal man?  

And before anyone starts the prayer circle, let's establish that God-fearing is already in the equation. But that's not where options should stop.  Just because he love the Lord doesn't mean he's not a snake in the grass.  Sorry holy rollers, my momma didn't raise a fool in Jesus, she raised a grown woman in Jesus and you can't quote me a scripture and call me Mary!  

Moving forward.  I enjoy attention...but there is a thing as too much!  I don't need a guy that is thirstier than me for no good reason.  Like he's aggressively pursuing me and I'm mildly responding to his advances.  There needs to be a balance.  Fellas you can put on your track shoes to get your chase on, but just make sure you don't pass her in the process.

Finally...well not finally but all I'm saying on this entry.  What about physical attraction? Should that be something that is overlooked once you are 30+ and single as the day is long? Should I just wish for really, really, really dark movie theatres, restaurants, and bedrooms?  What about personality and character?  Should I just throw those ideals in the ocean of youmissedtheboat.com just because he love Jesus and his momma?  I'm not even going to get on kids!  I'll save that for an entire entry! 

All I know is I want to be happy being who I am and I want to feel the same way about someone else!  I want him to love every part of me and not try and make me into what he thinks I should be because my dreams don't match his reality.  It's time to make my dreams a reality.  Not for him....but for me!  That's going to be my new boo!

Until next time folks. 

THE CHASE IS REAL....AND SO IS THE WALK BACK TO THE CAR....

So I took a vacay last week from blogging.  I figured I wanted to enjoy my turkey day too and chill with my fam and friends without thinking about how my phone wasn't ringing, or why I didn't get that text.....oh but I did get the text!

...but it was an 'oh I forgot, but I thought about you' kind and then I have to act all Kool Mo Dee style like I'm not affected.  And honestly I'm to the point in this whole process that I'm not.....completely.

My guards are falling in some places and rising in other places.  Almost like a shift in balance type of situation.  Oh and ONE thing that I have definitely discovered is that the chase is oh so real!!!  You just have to be willing to lose or win in a sense depending on how you look at it. 

ALLOW ME TO BRIEFLY EXPLAIN: What I mean is that you have to be willing to accept that if/when a man pursues you for "the sex", and that may not be completely what he's all about or thinks you're about, but he's sexually attracted to you.  You have to be willing to accept that he may stop chasing you when you hit him with the "no sex in the champagne room" conversation.  This basically means that he may stop giving you attention/time/phone calls/texts.  That doesn't mean that your perfume didn't work, your cooking was bad, convo was whack, or you aren't worth the effort. It could just simply mean that.......drum roll please.....he just stopped chasing you! BOOM!!!!

How do I take it you ask?  Well I used to take it as rejection, and I'm not going to front, I still do in a sense but the fact that he didn't get to see the color of my panties kind of makes my heart pitter patter. 

Nothing like having a winning hand but playing your joker too soon!  That's some spades terminology.  If you don't know how to play just ask one of your black friends that went to college.  They can guide you.

But as usual, I get thirsty from time to time.  This morning I had a thought about this guys lips.  I could've just kept the thought to myself, but I had to text and tell him.  What did I expect to get out of that???? Possibly some freaky back and forth to feed my inner horny maybe? But instead I got a smiley face!!!!! The fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug!  But it was definitely for the best.  Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy I tell ya!

The saga continues next week!

MIND OVER.......THE LOVE BELOW, THE EMOTIONS, THE MEN....NOTHING ELSE MATTERS!

So it's the middle of the week and I realize that I haven't checked in with my readers, giving you the week by week tea of my dealings in the "celibacy world".  It's been a pretty interesting couple of days if I say so myself.  I've been tempted beyond measure

and I can honestly say that I passed with colors!  I don't know about them flags flying, but hey at least I got to lay them out and marvel at them in victory!

So after careful thought to this process, I'm concluding this walk is way more mental then I originally thought.   Dont' get me confused, because that physical is REAL do you hear me?!  You can't deny

the throbbing,

the clutching of the pearls,

or the touch of someone elses hands

Let me remind that slapping isn't always a bad thing people if you slap the right thing

......but I'm learning that you can't lose sight of the big bambino.....and what is that you ask?????  I really don't know right now, but all I can say is that I appreciate having a clear mind!  I'm not too much feeling a way about if I don't talk to him, or him, or him today, tomorrow, or next week!

here this dude goes again

Okay....well maybe a little bit.  While I'm playing there is still this guy floating around my brain cells that I can't seem to shake.  And he's one of those "the one I let hit and never called me again" types.  I'm still looking for that dude in the daytime with shades on!

Can never have enough shade.....lol...ion know

So I was catching up on Boardwalk Empire yesterday, and one of the characters said something that really jumped out and bit my twerking buttocks.  He said and I'm paraphrasing like a mutha mutha right now, but he said that you mustn't fall for the mediocrity of people, although the taste of mediocrity is the sweetest. 

Now what does that have to do with the price or rice in China you ask?  Absolutely nothing!  I just thought it was some pretty cool stuff and it rang pretty true for me and where I am right now.  No matter the temptation of my sneaky love below.  No matter how much she tries to justify and/or negotiate.....WAIT!!!!!

she got an attitude....tryna move around and ish

because we negotiated a few times this week and things panned out nicely so let me get off my pedestal on that one!  Sometimes negotiation is necessary to keep a clean bill of health! 

But seriously, the emotions, the men....nothing else really matters when you have made up your mind the direction you want to go in!  I'm totally in love with men!  I think more now than ever before because I have (unknowingly to them unless they read my blog)taken "the sex" off of the table and I now utilize other ways to get a finished result....WAIT that didn't quite fall out correctly.  I'm saying that I have found other ways to feed the pig if that makes sense....lol.  My desires are starting to change and the thought of just jumping into the sack with any guy that isn't willing to get the hot towel afterwards is just....well...a waste of time!

There is absolutely no reason for this picture...I just wanted to stare at him is all.

Until next time folks!!!!!!!!!!!



It's RAINING MEN, HALLELUJAH IT'S...WAIT!!!!!...Where's my umbrella??

Sitting here chillin, enjoying my high calorie salad and I come across this pretty cool show on CBS called, MOM. 

This is my first time actually checking this show out, but from what I can tell, it's about a young woman with 2 children who lives with her mother (go figure minus the 2 chiren). In this episode her character, much like me, decided to withhold from sex for a period of time.  She's been dating this guy for like 3 months and he invites her to a wedding.  Of course they are going to be sharing a hotel room and of course she hasn't exactly told him that she isn't down with "the sex" at this time so hence where the plot thickens and the comedy begins. Isn't that usually where the plot thickens and the unscripted comedy begins? 

I try to find the right words to say, because just saying "I'm celibate" just seems like a total record scratcher. 

So when exactly is the right time to tell a guy or gal, that you are refraining from "the sex"?  Do you mention it before the first date, during the first date, in the text convo, or do you make an announcement via social network and hope they see your post???? 

And then when they decide not to call you post your announcement, how should one feel?  Do you feel rejected or do you feel proud because you held up the blood stain banner???

 

 

Well I tell you what, I'm post rejection and I'm feeling....well....kind of rejected! 

 

 

Calm down kitty!

To make it so bad, it's a guy that I know.  Not some random stranger, I mean who gives two shits what they think?...unless he was crazy cute and the chemistry was off the chaaaaaaaaaaain...but okay back to reality.  He's a throwback (that's what I call former tenants of the cathouse).  He popped up like Waldo in a family picture and as usual, he blended right on in!

The convo was great, the chemistry.....grrreat!  Finishing each other's sentences, perfect comedy timing.......

But let me stop getting all sentimental like ANY of that matters, because at the end of the day, this mutha mutha hasn't answered my phone calls since I voided his long standing coochie coupon!  I mean I'm kind of in denial at this point.  I keep calling him, and calling him like okay....maybe his phone didn't ring,you know how SPRINT do ya.  Or maybe he meant to call me back, but forgot, so let me remind him. Or okay maybe he has a girlfriend now, so in that case am I being disrespectful??? Even though I'm totally ignoring the fact that he threw me the dinkle.  Or how about this maybe, just maybe he doesn't want to talk to me!!  And after day 2 of being hit with the nameless voicemail I think I've concluded that I've been REJECTED all because of my choice to abstain from sex!

This rode can be a lonely one when you just want some affection that isn't the homegirl high five or your homeboy hitting you with the church rub!  I just want to chill and tuck my feet up under someone.  But when your thirst can be flicked on with the slightest compliment and you find reasons to bend over in front of a brother.  Maybe its best to just role solo! 


Next week....same time, saaaaaaaaame place!!!

THE STRUGGLE......IS IT REAL ORRRRRRRRRRRRR......NAW IT'S REAL AND I'M THIRSTY

So I'm having an Amy Whinehouse kind of evening.  I have my glass of red, my earphones on, dinner has been eaten, and I've done my nightly ritual of surfing through social networks.  Which I'm totally in denial about by the way.  I mean if you ask me, I will tell you that I don't fool with social networks like that.....I have a life!

So I've been dinkleless <<< my word that I just made up, for about a month now!  I expected some kind of congrats cake, 30 candles, a marching band, and unlimited tokens to Chucky Cheese...but I got neither of those things. 

Actually I got really tired and spent my weekend in the house being productive in a sense.  I got a lot of my goals accomplished and one of those goals was SLEEP!!!  Jesus I didn't realize how important sleep was to my life.  In the process of my sleep and my unlimited access to red wine, I realized that I'm cool on men.  I mean the thought of a man made me roll my eyes.  The thought of one of those creatures smiling at me gave me the shivers.  Men were disgusting and I kissed God's pinky ring for taking away the desire!  I figured this celibacy thing wouldn't be as hard as I thought.



That was until one good conversation had me contemplating going for a sprint outside in this 50 degree whether!  How freakin fast things change! 

She ain't ish!!!

One minute I'm like forget men, I got King Jesus and that's all I need,

and the next I'm holding up a picket sign to end the strike! 

Maybe, just maybe I'm not quite over the thirst wall as I thought.  It's one thing when you're not talking to anyone, it's a whole other thang when the right one simply says "Hello".  And it wasn't just hello, but the entire conversation!  It was a good conversation.  Kind of like a "get to know you" type of convo.  Give a little, take a little.  A clever joke here, a slightly flirtatious comment inserted there.  It was nice. 

But I turned nice into a freak show in my head.  I mean my imagination took the hell off and before I knew it I was killing a glass of red like it was lemon water!  My love below immediately took over my brain cells and I started thinking of how it would happen. 

I would play cute and harmless and then hop on him like a wild wilderbeast! No...no...no, I would accidentally get reeeeeeally tipsy, you know the 3 glasses instead of 1 (rule #2), convince him to let me up for a "night cap" and then I would get sleepy and accidentally fall asleep with my legs open!  My, my, the scenarios she comes up with when given just a little time and a cracked window. 

The devil does not play fair, boy I tell ya!  I literally took a harmless conversation and in my head committed to a relationship, jumped the broom, and consecrated our union in all of 10 minutes.  Talk about thinking ahead.  Do I think this guy is the one?  Hell no.  He's just a guy that said hello and thought I was a cool chic to talk to.

Honest mistake!!!!

So in conclusion, I am not ready for a one on one date, group dates only and I drive my own car!  Oh and my homegirl has to ride with me so that I can take her home and can't follow him to his house.

Me and my bish rollin out!

 

 

Until next week!!!!!  

 

TRICK OR TREAT.......THE JOKES ON ME!!!!!!

What an interesting week I've had!  Wheeeeeeeew!!!  It's amazing what you learn about yourself when you put yourself in a position to totally deal with yourself, without any outside influences.

First thing I learned....I HATE ASSHOLES!...I know you are probably sitting there like, "Well duh, who would like those sons of bitches!"....well the answer to that is ME, that's who!  God how I used to love a man with more cockiness than sense.  It used to be such a turn on to see them be rudely honest, hurt feelings, and laugh loud!  My legs would part like the red sea for those kinds of guys.  BUT that was when my love below was in charge apparently, because now that I am "sex-less" my tolerance for any bullshit has dwindled considerably and rudeness is no longer a turn on for me.  As a matter of fact, lack of etiquette period immediately gets his man card revoked!

Case Study #1

So.....there is this one guy that I totally dug!  I have a weakness for a guy with a  sense of humor but that cocky attitude was like absolute icing on the cake!  The way he talked was everything to me and his comedic timing was impeccable. When we would hang out or social netflirt, he would really think I was listening to him, but usually the entire time I was fantasizing about how I would shut that cocky mouth of his up and make him scream my name later in the evening.  See even as I type this, I'm realizing how my love below was in total control of my thoughts and actions....sneaky lil thing she is. 

I see you lookin with your lookin ass!

I would giggle like a school girl at his wild antics, deep voice, and slightly rude demeanor.  I mean it would absolutely turn me on!  He was a real pearl clutcher.  Our meetings would usually end with wild sweaty relations that included me briefly forgetting my name, who's bed I was in, and where my panties were, which are always signs that point to a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally good night!! 

And like clockwork, I would never hear from this guy again.  And weirdly I was okay with that.  I would be fine for a few days after, playing the "independent woman" role oh so well.  I didn't need a phone call or a "thinking about you" text from him, or so I would convince myself.  But then as the days/weeks would pass on by, my bed got a little lonely and my natural human desires, which we call "emotion", would seep through my bs and I wanted non-sexual attention or as we like to call it "affection" from him and I couldn't get it.  I just had to wait my turn like his other players, and just wait for my starting position.  So I seeked comfort elsewhere.

 

Don't judge me or Olivia!!!

But I convinced myself that this "situation" was cool.  I was cool.  I was super freakin woman man!  Able to leap tall dinkles I mean buildings in a single bound!  I could do this!  I could handle this!  I was WONDER WOMAN dammit!!

Well, it was about time for our quarterly hook up and he reaches out to me.  As usual my lil heart began to pitter patter and my love below began to throb!  I was really excited.  At first I forgot about my celibacy rules and engaged in flirtatious banter and then my brain reminded me that I could no longer engage in sexual satisfaction with this guy.  So once that happened what was the point in our conversation? 


I began to listen to him and really listen and all of a sudden, what seemed like clever comebacks now became unwitty, elementary, ebonic verbage!  Who was this guy and what happened to the confident guy that used to make me scream his name like I was looking for an abducted child in a crowded room?

All of a sudden my "lmao"s turned into "....lol"s and my "xoxoxo" turned into " ;) ".  I began to ask myself why I even liked this guy.  His laugh began to remind me of Sloth from The Goonies and his conversation was....well...it was kind of pointless!  What exactly did I have in common with this dude besides decent sex?  I even began to question that now.  I mean if his personality turned out to be a fluke, then I could only assume the sex would soon follow after. 

 

I've been played!!

How did I even start liking this guy?  Was I on a rebound?  Was my love below sending those darn pheromones out again? 

Boy the things you learn when you take sex out of the equation.  Turns out that my potential Prince Charming wasn't even a witty Orge,

or a humble Forrest Gump. 

He was just a baby! 

Cute to look at but always keeps a shitty diaper!

The stories of my life!!!!!  Until next time gals n guys