DECODING OF THE SINGLE MENTALITY: NUMBER UNO.......

Okay so I told you to stay tuned for the DECODING OF THE SINGLE MENTALITY CHECK LIST.  

Here is NUMERO UNO of things that I had to pull my own coattail on.  These were some hard truths, because I personally think that I am RIGHT about everything, although I say otherwise.  And I think that every action I make is either a REaction or justified.  Even though that is no excuse.  Now don't get me wrong, this is a process.  This is something I discovered dayum near a year ago and I still haven't quite gotten a grip on it, but progress is progress forget you!!! lol..hey you like what cha like.

LOCATE THE PATTERN

The first thing I had to do was LOCATE THE PATTERN.  Sure I can talk about how men ain’t shit all day and what not, but what exactly about me is attracting me to these ain’t shits?  

DON'T WORRY....I'LL WAIT

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like to fix broken birds and help them to fly, but why once I put all my time and effort into the project, when they are healed and stronger than ever, they either choose door #2 or go back to the bitch that broke them in the first place???? <<<sorry got a bit personal.

Then I had to decide if this process has been repetitive.  Am I unconsciously floating from potential train wreck to train wreck trying to repair the first one?  It’s been my experience that I choose the same type of men because somewhere on my insides I am now attracted to their kind of “drama” and/or issue and they are attracted to my desire to fix them (familiar spirits anyone??)!  We as women, put our hearts, souls, tears, and love into repairing these men and they let us…because they want to be better!  Just maybe not for us.  I have noticed that most men know if a woman is too good for them.  Of course they will never let us know this in most cases, but it is up to us to pay attention. But just because they know that, that does not stop them from utilizing our services. 

Now let me clarify when I say "too good"....I mean that some men enjoy "ain't shit" woman. Whether it be for the time being or a lifetime.  Some men only know how to deal and/or operate in a certain realm of thinking and feel threatened if taken out of that comfort zone.  Furthermore just because we may be too good for someone doesn't make us better than them in any sense of the word.  In some instances, the man may be content with where he is and his capabilities.  He may not want to upgrade or change. His level of success may be different from what we want.  We have to ACCEPT. 

ACCEPTANCE is such a big part of it!  Just because we put in the time and effort to make a better man doesn’t mean that he has an obligation to be that better man for us!  And he’s not wrong for that!  God uses his saints in all facets and answers everyone’s prayers.  Sometimes we have to adhere to God's voice and make sure we aren't on the short end of the stick.  Our hard work may be an answer to his future wife’s prayers.  Yeah that stings and that hurts, but sometimes we have to realize that just because we signed up to clean a house does not rightfully make it ours.  He still holds the option.  

We also need to keep in mind that every man, no matter how much we are attracted to them, can hold it down, put up with their melo-dramatics, etc., is for us!  Some things simply don’t work because they don’t need to!  The universe knows what we don’t!  We probably will not be happy in the end!!!!

In conclusion…..BREAK THE PATTERN….try to find someone that is less broken or just not broken at all!  Or whatever your repetitive sequence may be.  Onward to new pastures and pickings!  Go on a date with someone TOTALLY off of your attractive radar just to see if there is something you could be missing.  And for God’s sake, pay attention to the signs!!!  They are there to help you.  They tell you what is about to happen before it actually does.

STAY TUNED!!!!!!

HOW TO BE SINGLE AND STILL BE MARRIAGE MATERIAL: DECODING OF THE SINGLE MENTALITY PT. 1

So…I consider myself on some level to be a feminist.  I believe in the rights and equality of women in ALL facets.  

WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO EMBRACE OUR SEXUALITY AS WELL AS OUR FEMININE INDEPENDENCE

But in some cases that does not go over too well.  “The Sex” being one of them.  One of the primary reasons being, what we have in between our legs should hold so much value and should not be given away freely or on a whim.  And don’t get me wrong, that is not a bad standard to uphold.  Because it actually is true!  What we have is priceless but I question, should women have that same expectation for a man?  Should his dinkle hold some type of value and not be treated as a plastic sword that a child pulls in and out of his toy box?  Shouldn’t it be treated like the Excalibur of swords and none but the worthy can pull it from the stone???

SEE....SHE'S NOT WORTHY OF THE SWORD!!!

That is the “double standard” of men can do what us women cannot do!  Now as a woman, it kind of sucks to live up to this, because as women grow/mature we realize that we have the same wants/desires, and sexual appetite as men.  Actually it may be more powerful in a sense because it takes a bit more for us to get the BIG BAMBINO!!!  But we are taught to tame the feline and save all sexual ignorance for marriage.  Which of course is how it SHOULD be.  But what good is discretion if you can't SHOW OUT a lil bit??

BUT WHO DOESN'T LOVE A GOOD TWERK SESSION!!!!

In most cases, this is not how it is!  According to the Huffington Post, “The U.S. Marriage Rate is 31 marriages per 1,000 women in the U.S….So that means that…31 of those previously single women tied the knot in the last year.   For comparison, in 1920, the national marriage rate was 92.3”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/22/marriage-rate_n_3625222.html

Of course this is the point where blame is tossed between men and women!  Men say that women are too independent and try to act like the man these days and women say that men aren’t man enough these days and don’t handle their responsibilities.  In truth both men and women are to blame for the decline of marriage.  I mean let’s face it, you can’t have one without the other.

Or you can blame the way society is now.  The way that people have become so superficial and untraditional.  Or we compare our relationship to other couples (an age old tactic), and refuse to find and/or create our OWN traditions and what works for the individual marriage.  Not willing to fight for anything, but want to be handed everything.  The microwave society if you will.  We desire a perfect marriage from two imperfect people and when perfection is not met, we gracefully bow out after a six month courtship.

SO CHILDISH

There are so many causes to the decline, I want to focus on a solution.  MY SOLUTION.  I have officially been single for about three years and I have really grown a lot and learned a lot about myself in the last year.  What was I doing for the first two years you ask?  Living in a warped mentality when I sit back and look at it.  I was bitter beyond belief, but I convinced myself that I wasn’t.  I used my vicious tongue and my gift of gab to destroy every man that exuded a bit of power!  That in turn created more baggage on top of the baggage that I already had.  See this is what happens when you think you are sane and unaffected.  It’s been my experience, once you acknowledge that you are on the brink of insanity, it is then that you can turn around and truly see the mess you have created.  And that is where you begin to fix yourself!!

That’s honestly how this blog even started!  I knew I was a bag of crazy balls and I wanted to really hone into what I was putting out there.  I also wanted to know if I was totally full of shit or if I was on to something.  After careful study of myself I have locked down a few things that separate the single from the taken.

Stay tuned!!!!!!!!!!!!

GETTING BACK IN THE GAME: PRACTICE SQUAD AND BENCHWARMER ONLY!!!

So two things I have vowed to do better.  Update my blog more frequently and get back into the dating game!  I think for the most part that I have deciphered my issues and determined that I am now fit to be released back into society.  Well that’s a half truth.  The other half is that I’m tired of studying myself.  I mean geez louiiiise, one can only put up with kicking themselves in the ass, critiquing and overly thinking for so long.  At some point, there comes a time to live and put those lessons learned to use.  Like I said before, it’s hard to change one aspect of yourself and other parts of you not to follow. 

READY TO GET BACK IN THE GAME.  JUST WAITING ON THE NEXT BUS!

As for my blog….this is my domain.  My outlet.  I actually go back and read these little jewels and see how full of shit I am/was/or how much I’ve grown!  This crazy life takes time to even just get a grasp on.  Dayum trying to understand it.  A chic is just trying to live happily with whatever obstacle she’s slaying at the moment and look good doing it!  Isn’t that what every woman wants?!  Who the hell wants to look broke.  I mean seriously….lol....presentation is everything! 

I HAVE ARRIVED!  WHAT DRAGONS AM I SLAYING TODAY??

One thing that I have learned these last few weeks is that people invest finances, time, emotion…etc., in something they see potential in.  Your overall presentation makes the first impression and your mouth makes the second.  It’s all about wise investments and people aren’t about wasting anything these days!  We want everything to matter! 

That’s why we usually stay in shitty relationships or deal with dead things as long as we do.  We want to get something out of it!  We want it to matter.  We want to feel like our investment wasn’t a waste.  I think if we recognize and accept bad investments for what they are then we won’t spend so much time convincing ourselves that we made a good investment. 

SOME PEOPLE MAKE BAD INVESTMENTS LOOK GOOD!!

Tired of trying to make things fit!  Tired of trying to make people fit!  Tired of trying to make them size 6s fit shit!  Time to treat myself like an investment. 

I’ve started dibbling and dabbling a bit more in fashion and even a little make-up!  And if you know me, then you know that a sistah does not do the make-up thing!  My face be slicker than a can of oil and shinier than the camera flash itself….lol.  But I’m learning, folks I’m learning.  I’ve been trying different looks trying to see what best fits me.  I’m learning that I’m an eclectic mix of what’s right and what’s wrong….lol.   Much like my personality!  And that is all translation to say that a chic is still hitting and missing!! Lol…but I am having a ball doing it. 

As for dating…..I am easing back on into the game a little bit.  I’m strongly thinking about re-implementing my no sex in the champagne room policy though.  I’ve definitely let the cat out the house a few times.  It’s like I tried to convince myself that it doesn’t matter, but it does.  Sex is so ridiculously important and we have tried on numerous occasions to take away its’ power.  It’s impossible.  Something so precious and sacred and that feels that dayum good should not be given away freely.  I almost feel like I need to draw up a contract for my love below.  A real one!  Not no dayum verbal agreement or pinky swear neither.  Fug that!  I want it in writing because that will hold up in a court of law.

ME AND THE LOVE BELOW ARE FINALLY ONE ONE ACCORD!!!!

These next few weeks for me are all about investing in myself!  We are all our own brand and if you are single like me, we should treat ourselves as such.  Every day that we go out in the world, we are coming across people that may have the potential to be on #teamyou!  So build your portfolio with a goal in mind for the week and make it happen.  That’s my challenge to myself. 

Keep it cute and classy boos!  Until next time!!