Checking in on this beautiful Sunday evening. So many life lessons. So much I’ve learned and am learning about
myself. But just not enough time,
patience, or brain filters to effectively share it with the world! And believe you me one day, the world will
give a dayum about these blogs that almost no one is paying attention to right
now.
Everyone is going to want to know how the hell I got where I
will be, the steps I took to get there, the path that I followed, and most
importantly who I was screwing at the time…..hahahaha.
Crazy how we REALLY just want to know another
person’s dirt. No one really cares about
clean. Clean isn’t entertaining at
all. People want reassurance that you
are just as messed and confused as they pretend not to be.
I usually stare into space for about an hour right before I
put my fingers to the keyboard. Briefly
thinking about what my focus topic will be, how to candy coat it, and most
importantly is it going to piss anyone off!
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t go into anything purposely wanting to
make anyone upset with me. I don’t like
people being upset with me. But truth
and emotions don’t exist on the same cosmic realm so sometimes my truth tends
to ruffle a few feathers. But notice how
I said MY TRUTH. Please understand that
almost everything that I write about is about me and something I have been
through. I’m not a reality show so I’m
not here to air all of my dirty laundry for the world to judge, but understand
that there is a story behind every lesson.
I’ve been doing a lot of praying here lately. Basically something that my ass should’ve
been doing anyway, but like I said before not having a job….(oh yeah I still
don’t have one of those)….tends to change your perspective on what is most
important. And my sanity is VERY important. So is my frame of thought. So in order to keep it positive and keep it
cute, prayer has become a necessity and not a chore. Well while praying this morning the word
TEMPORARY kept popping up in my head.
Temporary relationships have subliminally been my thang for
like….EVER!!! I can honestly say that
every relationship that I’ve been in, I’ve known that it wasn’t going to be
THAT ONE. I knew it before I got in it. But as I always told myself, it temporarily worked
for where I was at. I could see the
signs right off the back. He had fideen
(15) baby mommas, he’s content with his current living sitcho, he doesn’t like
to travel, he doesn’t like to try anything new, he mistakens fear for ego…etc.,
I can literally go on and on and on with this one. All the signs pointed to the road of HELL NO,
but because of my love below and her personal needs, I always took a deep
breath and dived right on in. Into
something temporary.
As usual, a chic would get caught up in the hoopla. I would really start digging the dude and
then he would treat me like absolute total shit! I wonder if he knew that I seen him as a
temporary fix…..hmmmmm. It’s like I
would put my all into it too late or something.
And in all truth, my all really wasn’t a lot. I just had sex with him without guilt, and
his government name was replaced with “my boo”, “my babe” or something. It was all bullshit when I sit and think
about it. But that’s not the point.
The point is….I became my situation. I became “temporary”. I don’t know if I have told you but for some
reason I have become the “involved man” whisperer. Like seriously, every guy that has approached
me this year has the “in a relationship” status blinking above his head! I can’t escape it. Even my insurance guy is boo’d up. I met this guy trying to get some daggone
renter’s insurance. We flirted, he
helped me get all moved in…blah…blah..BLAAAAAH!!!! I randomly ask him one day if he has a
girlfriend and this som-ma-ma-bitch mumbles…you guessed it….’YEAH”….mutha mutha
what?! Seriously??? The insurance guy has a woman? Not that insurance guys can’t have women, but
why is shorty swinging my way? What
about me is saying, I date “in a relationship” men? Again, I could go on and on with this.
So back to this temporary word and the relevance it has
regarding me and “in a relationship” status men. I speak, I act, therefore I am! That is the only explanation that I can
fathom right now. I’ve been so busy
going through the motions over the years that somewhere in there I got caught
up in my own bullshit. The very hole
that I dug for temporary placement has weirdly become where I have
settled. I’m starting to pay attention
to my words now.
I’m sure somewhere
there are key words that trigger these “in a relationship” status men. Phrases like, “I ain’t trippin”, “not my
business”, “I’m not trying to settle down”, “I’m on the pill”, or what about
“Yes”….maybe “Yes” is a not so good word to say….oooh what about “maybe”….maybe
that’s a not so good one either. And
just for the record, I’m not even on the pill, but it just seemed like a
trigger for those unavailables out there.
Listen, it’s hard out here for 30 something single women
these days. This crap is not easy. Some of these men are totally dishonest while
the others that are trying to holla just don’t give a shit if you know they got
a woman or not! Then we have to briefly
find a dayum to give about the girlfriend’s feelings. Putting our self in her shoes and shit and
trying to live by this unspoken woman code.
We have to care about a relationship that this sorry ass man apparently
gives no dayums about. And let’s be
real, that is not always an easy task! No
woman wants to be called a whore and totally deserve the title! And there lies our self respect that we must
uphold at all times…..ALL TIMES!!!
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| TRIED TO ENTER THE CODE TOO MANY TIMES...GONNA HAVE TO WAIT A MINUTE |
In light….I’m learning to be aware of the energy that I put
out there and putting a muzzle on my love below. Some opinions are not needed.
Until next time folks!
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