The Celibacy Rules Chronicles: Tales of a Single Black Woman......THE THOT BOX: TO CLOSE OR NOT TO CLOSE MY LEGS....THAT IS THE QUESTION

Hello friendly firing readers and fonters of the social world.  What a weekend.  Late Saturday night, early Sunday morning our world, and I say world because an injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere  (MLK), experienced yet another form of prejudice induced hatred.  Not to mention my hometown of Tulsa, OK experienced a tragedy in itself  this month almost a century ago (which we still have yet to get an apology, reprimand...anything from but I'm not here for the history lesson so)...

THEY SILENCE YOU TIL YOU NO LONGER HAVE A VOICE TO SPEAK...R.I.P

Its so sad that in this melting pot of a world, in 2016, that we still suffer with prejudices.  Whether it be skin color, sexual preference, religious beliefs, political views, or simply because of one's sexual anatomy.  All of these advancements in technology, science, ways to make money, ways to connect the world, hell we can rebuild a dayum <<<< ebonic for "damn" heart, but we can't seem to get the heart together that God gave us.  Praying for all the people and all of the animals that have lost their lives.  Yes, animal lives do matter (._.) <<<my serious face.  Praying for the energy of this world. Negative energy begets negative energy.

With that being said, TO CLOSE OR NOT CLOSE MY LEGS...THAT IS THE QUESTION.  Forgive me, I'm feeling a bit Shakespearean today.  This is a serious issue that I've struggled with for a while.  Let me tell you where my struggle lies:

As a Christian, there is no ding ding without the wedding ring.  Those are the rules we are set to follow.  Other belief systems have a similar requirement of sex.  Usually in most cases, however, the woman is considered to be defiled, where the man is not quite held as accountable.  Actually in some cases, a man can have more than one wife should he so choose.  Which to me is pretty messed up because a man can get his rocks off with a different woman errnight <<<ebonics for every night.  And a woman is required to take the sloppy toppy seconds and thirds.

MOOD

So as a woman, a Christian woman, I battle with that.  The requirements of a woman.  But I understand we all have gender roles according to our sexual anatomy and amounts of estrogen and testosterone.  I get it.  Hence the title of this blog.  I wanted to follow the rules.  I still do, but for different reasons now....which brings me to....

Worth.  As a feminist, I believe that respect should be distributed evenly across the board.  And one (men and some women too) shouldn't set expectations for another person they themselves have no intention of living up to.  With that being said, I am not here for the men can do it and women can't movement.  It just doesn't register well with me at all.  As I've said on numerous occasions throughout this blog process and in real life, women have the same sexual appetite as men.  It took me a while as a female to understand that and then as a woman to embrace that it was okay to want sex for my own personal gratification.  Its a very powerful thing.

YAAAAAS NIECE

But I do understand the power in what I have.  I do understand that as liberating as it feels to get one off and send him down that walk of shame, I also must understand that I am giving something very precious away to someone that didn't show any type of worthiness to receive it.  That with every stroke I am receiving in a spirit of an unlikely stranger.  I understand it goes deeper than the sexual act, but has everything to do with the act if that makes any sense.

What I'm saying is...I GET IT.  And if I hold my worth at a certain level, why would I not require another person to hold not only my worth but their own worth in a similar manner.

So to answer the Shakespearean posed question, I choose to keep my legs closed.  Not because of my Christian beliefs (which should be enough) and not because I'm on some ACT LIKE A LADY, THINK LIKE A MAN movement.  But because I'm worth more than my own sexual liberation.  I'm worth more than a tradition that is never questioned nor expounded on.  I'm worth more than a netflix and chill dammit....lol.  But there are levels to this shit.  Embrace your own journey.  Learn from it and accept when that way of thinking no longer feeds you.  Learn to change and grow.  Love yourself.

Liberated.

SEX AND SINGLE IN THE CITY: I DON'T CARE ABOUT THOSE OTHER GIRLS......JUST BE GOOD TO ME!!

How you doin?  *in my Wendy Williams voice*.  I saw this meme, I won't say it was an article, because that would make it factual, and making it factual would mean there is a level of truth to it.  And because we are in the cut/paste era of the internet, I'm just going to call it as I saw it....a meme (meem, mim, mee mee....whatever your verbal palette prefers).

Anyway the meme was a picture of Deray Davis and two very attractive women.  Below the picture it says SALTUE to Deray Davis who is photographed with BOTH of his girlfriends.  Deray decided that he didn't want to cheat on neither woman nor leave neither woman, so he decided to be honest.

He has reported that the relationship is going GREAT and he does plan on wifing both women.

*BLINKS SLOW*

I posted this meme on my fb page and I got somewhat mixed reviews.  And not in the way one would think.  People understood the notion of polygamy, but most expressed they wouldn't be able to handle it.  Whether it be for emotional, financial, or mental stability reasons.  One person even said that it would take a very strong woman to be in something like this.  In my mind, I thought it wasn't a question of weak or strong but of provision and emotional neediness.  But I'm not here for the debate of polygamy.  At the end of the day, I believe you do what works for you.  If openly sharing a man works for you then by all means wait your turn.

THE CELIBATE BUS HAS ARRIVED

I can't say that is my cup of tea.  But then I have to stop myself and wonder......if my needs are being met, then would I really mind?  Is it possible for a man to share himself with multiple women and have the mental and spiritual strength to feed her non-physical needs and not to mention the viagra/cialis prescription to meet the physical?  Because I don't know how every other woman rocks, but my sexual appetite has only INCREASED <<< all caps and in bold.

But then I got to thinking.  Stepping out of the conventional box that we have been raised in, what's wrong with being happy?  At the end of the day that is what we all strive to be, and happiness is unique to each individual.  If the man I am involved with, notice I didn't hold claim to him nor did I give my own self a title, gives me everything I need (spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially) then am I wrong for staying around if he sleeps with other women besides me?  What if I don't care if he does?  How does that song go, "Friends are always telling me, you're a user...I don't care what about those other girls, just be good to me...ooooooooh" ~s.o.s

I've heard the question posed many times, Do All Men Cheat?  And most of the answers are, you guessed it, YES!  But that is a big monkey to put on men as a whole.  I would like to think that all men have a little dog in them, that its just in their DNA, that in biblical times or before electricity was introduced that men practiced polygamy as a culture.  And a lot of cultures still practice this custom today.  I would like to ride with men just can't help it.  But then I meet that diamond in the rough.  That loves his wife unconditionally and would do everything to keep her happy.

THEY LUH GOD!!

And then the popular answer would be null and void.  Then this falsified scientific analysis proves to be just what it sounds like....an excuse...and a load of bullshit.  Do I think its disloyal for a man to sleep with multiple women?  Not if all parties know.  Do I think its stupid for a woman to be sexually loyal to a man that sleeps with multiple women?  Not at all.  If she's happy.  And I mean truly happy.  Not happy like waiting for him to get the hint and come to his senses, but happy at her own terms. Whether the tide turns her way or not.   Besides, not every woman sleeps around.  Some women are loyal to that one dinkle and will literally ride it out!

In conclusion, before this epidemic becomes a false religious spectacle and men start feeding women the line about WWJD and taking it back to the old school.....stop and think ladies how will it benefit YOU?  In this time, unlike the other, we now have options as women.  We don't have to be bought and sold like property.  We no longer have to marry into provision (when in fact that is what they were doing) women now create provision.  We don't have to be miserable!!  What are you getting out of the deal?

If a man wants to share his dick and expects you not to share your lockbox, what kind of guarantee is he putting in place?  What kind of payment plan do you have him on?  You can't give him the key to your sacred place for free just because he has good dinkle, he's nice looking, appears to have money, appears to be a good catch....no ma'am.  If he's such a good catch require him to pay like he prefers to lay, and he prefers you to cook, and rub his back,  and stroke that ego of his.  Its your boat!  Make sure you are the captain and not a crew mate!

FIND YOUR HAPPY PLACE

SEX AND THE CITY CHRONICLES....TALES OF A SINGLE BLACK WOMAN: DETOX...

Wow.  It has been almost eight months since I last made a post.  I've gone through a few life transitions.  ALL GOOD in the grand scheme of things.  And that's all that matters anyway right?!  Not how you start the race, but how you end that mutha mutha!

I've learned that sometimes you can't PUSH THROUGH...sometimes you have to just BE STILL and let what moment is be that moment.  Live in the moment and stop trying to take notes.  Don't follow the rules, let the universe make the call.  Respect your process.  Respect your season.  Every season isn't meant for forward motion.  Sometimes progression is found in doing nothing.  The universe and its magnetic pull is real and its powerful.  And if you allow yourself to be still and patient and listen to your flow of life, you will know when to stop and when to go.  Notice I said YOUR FLOW OF LIFE....you can't...I REPEAT...you cannot base your progression off of someone else's.

Like a video game.  There are levels to this shit.  

THE RIGHT MOMENT IS COMING...JUST BE PATIENT

And there are obstacles along the way.  Sometimes you have to stop moving and let the trouble pass....or stop moving and let the trouble come to you and see how to  maneuver around it or climb over it.  That's that thing called PATIENCE that we as humans hate!  I really think its an overall human thing and not an individual.  I think we have to learn the concept of patience....and we are either going to learn it willingly or not so willingly.  Some never learn it, and we usually see the remains of their lives spread out sporadically when we view the visuals of their journey.

I say all of that to say, I had to fall back.  

BYE BYE KITTY....

Stop giving advice and start actually living the advice.  Stop giving a play by play of my thought process and develop a new way of thinking.  I was in a bad place and its hard to give sound advice, be witty and charming, and find the humor when ain't <<< yeah I used the ebonic term nothing funny about your current situation.  In the words of the great Forrest Gump.....IT HAPPENS!

SHIT! HOW DID I GET HERE?

So I'm here today beginning a 10 day detox......BOOOOOOOO!  I'm here today to start having fun again.......YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!  I've grown a little and my mind has been altered a smidge.  Not in a total conventional way but a way that forces people to look at other individuals as human beings and not the answer to their prayers.  And maybe for me one day this concept will soon change when I enter into another phase of my journey....but today this is where I'm at.  And its not such a bad place to be.

Nothing like enjoying what you do and where you are.  It costs nothing to smile.   Make it all beautiful!!!