CONFESSIONS: I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.....I JUST LIVE HERE!!!

I have sat on this entry for like two weeks.  I hate when I do that.  No reason for the procrastination other than sometimes I just don't want to hit "publish".

THIS IS WHERE MY MIND HAS BEEN.....HAPPY

THE MESSAGE

A person will be what you need them to be to get what they want.  That's the thing about the single life.  You have to realize that you aren't the only one that's single.  And single means different things to different people.

The best feeling in the world is understanding that people are just as screwed in the head as you. Some people put on a better front than others.

Some hide behind religion.

YOU BETTA GRAB AHOLD OF THAT SPIRIT NIECE!!!

Some hide behind material possessions.

BE DOING WAY TOO MUCH YO!

Some hide behind their kids.

REGARDLESS OF THE REASON, IT'S ALWAYS A BEAUTIFUL THING

Half of the single world don't know what in the hell they want!  No matter the plan.  Most of us usually slip and fall into something....kind of serious....kind of real.....kind of consistent....kind of peaceful....kind of right.  Sometimes we slip and fall and get back up, some of us strike magic, and....well some of us slip, fall, and lay in it.

In my opinion there is nothing wrong with either.  I mean we are human.  We do what we have to do for the moment.  And sometimes that moment spans throughout our eternity.  It is what it is.  No one should be faulted for attempting to make sense of the life we are given or the choices we make in an effort to be happy with our lives.  There is no rule book that we were obliged at birth, given to our parental units, and given to us at a mature age to help us govern through the remainder.

MY EXPERIENCE  

I would like to think of myself as a risk taker.  If I believe in something, I pursue it.  That's just how I'm wired.  It's apart of me.  Inside of me.  I mean look at me.  I've been to the best schools....and some of the not so best.  I'm college educated.  Intelligent.  Beautiful.  Come from an amazing family.....but I'm attracted to brokenness apparently...smh

I'm here admitting the shit about myself to the peepers that people don't even want to admit in the privacy of their own mind.  We pretend that we have ourselves all together and point the finger at the individual that actually admits that they are confused as a blind man going sight seeing.  I used to pretend.  Still do to a point....I think.  But some stuff I can no longer partake in.

Case in point.  When it comes to men, I attract what is broken in me.  I think in a sense we all do.   I'm a woman....therefore I am by definition a fixer....a nurturer....a creator. Men and women alike, manage to fix ourselves in a particular area, and we hope to pay it forward and award someone else that gift of freedom.  But the thing is everyone is in their own timing of life.  We can't walk into someone's life and offer them freedom, that to them is at a cost.  A cost of comfort.  A cost of surety.  A cost of knowing what the next day will be like....even if it is something disappointing.  There is comfort in all things.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS TYPE THAT MAKES ME SAY, "OK"

I've made a decision to not play fix it in anyone else's life.  I don't mind being who I was created to be and utilizing that gift to bless others.  But what I will no longer do is emotionally attach myself to something that I'm not equally yolked to on a hope and a dream.  Nothing like trying to find a silver lining in a storm cloud.

THE TRUTH AND THE CONCLUSION

Let's just be TOTALLY honest here.  People are happy where the hell they are at!  If and when they are ready to do something different, they themselves will put forth the effort.  I had to and still am learning that what I want out of this life may not be what another person wants.  I have to be okay with that.  Ladies you may have to face that man will never get a job.  He will never stop selling drugs.  He will never stop smoking weed.  He will never stop cheating on you.  Why....because he doesn't want to.  Has nothing to do with love, and what really needs to be understood is that his choices have absolutely nothing to do with YOU!!!

Let's face it, no one wants to admit they are broken....not even me.  No one wants to even go as far as admitting they have faults....let alone that those very faults are some of the things that we ourselves are attracted to.  Some of us want to fix that thing in others, hoping to somehow fix ourselves.  Others want to drown in it.

After reading this I'm concluding on this one that sometimes it's OKAY to lose dammit!  Better to suffer a loss, than win a fool!

Until next time.