SEX AND SINGLE IN THE CITY....THE ART OF LETTING GO - REVISITED TIL I GET THIS ISH RIGHT!!!!

I swear life is a song.  So let me start from the beginning.....of this blog.  Because my mind is at the middle.  I've had a wild experience this go round of singledom.  One that has left me tipsy....confused....inspired.....excited....MIXED UP!

What do you call something that moves fast, forces you to move slowly, consistently, and thoughtfully, AND has no repeats????  Answer:  LIFE.

People always tell me that life is too short.  And thinking back last night when me and my girls were listening to what would now be considered "old skool", vividly recalling where we were, what we were doing, and who we were with....life happens in the blink of an eye.  For a moment being able to breathe in the summer air as a child and feel the heat of the sun on our necks.  It felt like just the other day.  But we look up and it was over 20 years ago.  A hard pill to swallow, but still a pleasurable effect because you realize you have memories....and although you can't get them back, you can always go to them and get that feeling.  Life is short.....but moments can seem like forever.

LIFE IS BUT A DREAM......LOVE YOU DADDY

In my last few entries or maybe even the last one.  I'm too tipsy really to go into the archives and do the research but....lol...I said something about in order to move forward, you have to let go of the good experiences as well as the bad to really assess where you are in this life thang.

I'm losing you...hold on...putting it in relationship status....in relationships....ANY relationship it is the GOOD experiences that keep us afloat....keeps us hopeful and alive.  And although a great thing, sometimes it can cloud the reality of......nothing.

MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL

GOOD EXPERIENCES can stretch a relationship that should have ended at two months to two years. I learned I can hold on to what used to be, how it used to be, to the point that I don't even see that I am nothing less than an addict chasing that first high.  Companionship (I won't say love) is my drug of choice, but a high just the same.

BAD EXPERIENCES...well we know how these things can go.  Bad experiences cause you to marinate on the hurt.  I would elaborate on hurt but when I sit and think about it EVERYTHING HURTS!  Everything comes from hurt....but crazy is the thing that rested in me that I pulled from bad experiences is my lack of responsibility in it.  Focusing on his fuck ups and not my own.  Focusing on his games and not the ones I play.

WHO AM I?

I can't change how things turn out, but I can change my perception of it.  I can allow a moment to change me or continue to be who I am in spite of what the moment brings me.  Just because something doesn't turn out how I may plan doesn't mean it won't turn out how its supposed to....and that is...well hell its disappointing shit...BUT its life and I can't continue to fight it.

There is no glory in being the victim!  There is no glory in sympathy likes or basing my feminism off the carcasses of men I've emasculated in an attempt to fill whatever emotional void the other man left.  There is no reward in hate.....just it...there is no reward.  Hate will travel with you and will become you.  Bitterness can comfort you just as good as a great rim filled glass of merlot.

I can't display hatred towards an individual that played such an enormous part in, what at this moment, is the present part of my life.  Even though in a moment it will be a blink of an eye.  I can't hate someone for having the same hang ups, the same insecurities, the same self destructive habits, and the same "right to have options" mentality, that has comforted me and, let me tell it, protected me thus far.

WRAPPING IT UP

T.D. Jakes wrote something called the Power of Goodbye years ago....and every time I come to a moment that I question, that passage comes right back to me.  It has meant something different to me at different times...but today it simply means LETTING GO of the option to be hurt.  I choose to accept.  I choose to live in the present.

And the present.....ain't working for ya girl.  Whatever made me smile before has dissipated in the now of things.  What was once a reality is now a memory.  Ya gotta know when to hold and know when to fold.  I FOLD!!

Keep it classy....keep it cute....keep it happy!!  Until next time folks.....

Liberated Nation.