So let's talk about the level of agitation that I'm currently feeling in regards to men. I just don't like them. I don't like the games, I don't like the courting, I don't like the broken pinky swears. I'm just really over it! I don't want to go on a date, I don't want to get to know anyone, I don't want the good morning texts, I don't want any of the pre-conceived expectation of courting.
I would actually just prefer to just meet someone in a bar or some other random location at their absolute worst, when they could give one dayum about their representative or trying to impress me, hit it off, and know at that moment that THIS is the real him. Or how about if we just had some raw truths tattooed on one's body with invisible ink that can only be seen in black light? That way we know what we are getting ourselves into when the lights go out.
There was a point and time that I was hopeful in finding a mate. And don't confuse it. I know that one day I will be caught up in the rapture of love while being pushed on tree swings in the country air, or laying in hammocks sipping little drinks with umbrellas in them; him on one end and me on the other. I truly believe that. But right now, I'm so cool on it!
There is so much to being single in your 30s. At times it's liberating and at times it totally sucks ass. For over a year I have broken myself down. I have put almost every aspect of myself and my personal out there for the ones that grace me with their eyes, just so I could get an understanding of me. I've taken blame for my shortcomings and most of all admitted to myself that I could've done better. I have stepped out of my box and "tried" to turn a blind eye to things that I otherwise would step right over. I tried to like people that liked me all int he name of following my granpa's advice of, "making sure he loves you more than you love him". But as quickly as I turned on...like a light switch, I get turned off.
I swear I'm like a cat in real life. One minute I want you up under me and the next minute I"m praying to yeezus that you give me 50 FEET!!!! And the agitation is definitely growing. Instead of breaking down walls, it seems like I'm building more that are higher, wider, and thicker. I.JUST.DON'T.HAVE.THE.TIME!
Sex at this point is totally overrated. I mean yeah I get the urge but when I think about the after effect of looking at the guy lying next to me, nothing between us, all of his idiosyncrasies shining a fluorescent light...yours too, feeling the after effects of his smell, his right to breathe, mad at yourself for even letting him touch you....yeah...it's a cold, cold world.
In your 30s you realize that stuff just isn't as simple as you thought they were in your 20s. Or maybe they were simple in your 20s, but in your 30s there's more on the line. Usually by this time people have responsibilities and those responsibilities have to be taken into consideration when choosing a mate. Not to mention the other stuff like spritual beliefs, attraction, compatibility, job status, income bracket, health issues, sexual compatibility....etc. When you are in your 20s most likely you are punch drunk in love and not really thinking about a lot of these things. You just know you love him and he loves you back, and you be on that love is all we need type ish!
Your 30s force you to see past the fairytale and ask yourself if you really even like this mf like that?! Is he/it even worth the vows and the joint back accounts, the kids, the accumulated bills, the arguments, the making up, the prayer requests, the counseling, the jealousy.......decisions.
I can definitely see why they say it’s harder to get married in your 30s. For two reasons…..one you’ve probably played in the game a few times and your defenses are high as hell ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRR every decent man is UNAVAILABLE! And truth be told the ONLY reason why they are even decent is because their other half dedicated her 20s making and molding that ninja from a bathe three times a week, non-cooking, can’t dress, all he know how to do is get a good edge up looking ass to the smell good, knows how to be attentive to a woman, knows how to rock the perfect shoe with the right belt and tie looking man that you see before you! Dayum behind every good man is a good woman….behind every good man is a GREAT woman!!!! She’s the reason he even gets a second eyeball.
The thing about your 30s is that you start running into the unavailability tab. In your 20s you are likely dealing with possible baby mama drama, some “lil romeo” that thinks he’s a player, the other girl that thought she was the girlfriend too…shit like that. But in your 30s you start bumping into the men that have probably been married for so many years and they hitting that seven year itch and they are looking for something to “hit”. Slowly but surely that unavailable tab creeps up on your radar. It’s a total bitch let me tell ya.
Of course you, the woman are settling into the idea of permanent and all you are meeting are temporaries. It’s a cold cold world.
No comments:
Post a Comment