SELFIE: HOW I CHOOSE TO KILL MY SINGLE, SEX-FREE BOREDOM

Yet another week of being sexless.  Yet another week of no dating, no increased heart beating, or little butterflies floating around in my belly because that guy I was crushing on sent me a "wyd" text or, the ever so classic morning forward "I was just thinking about you.  Hope you have a good day" text strand.  Sometimes it just feels good to know that you are cartwheeling through someone's mind every once in a while.  Even if it is you and 12 other women sitting on the bench waiting to get in the game.

Anyhoo, so yet another Friday night I spend alone.  Hey it's not the absolute worst thing in the world.  After all, I do have a life and technically I didn't get home til after 11 o'clock from that life so I wouldn't of had time for anything other than a night cap and hump session anyway.  My love below would've actually loved that option might I add, but after my last installment she's not putting me in the trick bag no more! 

So what does a single woman who has followed all the rules and still isn't sleepy do????  Takes selfies of herself.  That's what she does!  I spent my night snapping numerous pics of myself.  Some I channeled Zoolander,

the Girl next Door,

the Seductress,

the Look-off,

and the infamous I just Woke up (but not really) pose. 

 

I actually liked this picture.....

I even took it a step further and channeled my inner ratchet Amber Rose (excuse me while I continue to stan for her and her bodacious bod) and attempted to take a couple of ratchet photos.

Waaay too ratchet but you smell what I'm cooking here!

 

 It was so much work!  I'm talking I had my body bent in all kinds of ways and then had to hold my belly in, while attempting to hold the phone a kind of way.   I was shaking and it was tiring.  I fell over a couple of times and then the last one almost had me falling off the bed, and well....my bed is too high for all of that. 

Two things I realized after attempting self taught ratchet yoga, number one I need to start taking some yoga classes (I say this quarterly), and number two, I need to step my ratchet game up.  So that is exactly what my weekend consisted of!!!  No, not ratchet yoga, but something similar to the cause.  I figured that I need to stay fresh and current so that when I do find that one to lay down with that I will absolutely knock it out the park!

So what did I do????????  I went to youtube and started looking up booty popping videos.  I sure did!  And I am now onward to becoming a work from home stripper!  I am mastering the art of booty popping from the confines of my bedroom and laptop 500 booty lifts at a time!

I was a little shy at first, and I blushed at the thought of sitting on my knees, in the bed, in front of the lap top and looking back at my buttocks as I attempt to make them cheeks jump alone, but then I thought HEY!  There is no one here but me and my booty, and besides when I pull this trick out of my pocketbook, he's sure to either get down on one knee with that 5 karat rock or at least make it rain on ya girl!  Either way I'M WINNING!

Hey there's nothing wrong with learning some new tricks and keeping yourself fresh! CHANNEL YOUR INNER RATCHET!

As for all those selfies that I took *sighs* my love below convinced me to send one of the tasteful ratchet pics to an unsuspecting gentleman.  I did......that was Friday......and I have heard nothing.  Not even a good morning forward text the next day.  Talk about pride ending!  I thought it was a really sexy pic of my thighs and high socks.  I been working out too?!  So there was no dimples or nothing at that angle Jesus.....

Oh well.......The Adventures of the Single Celibate Woman continues.....Until next time..