I initially was going to talk about the ex-factor, and why it seems so hard to let it go. But in essence, how questionable is that? The answer is pretty much plain as day: love or familiarity. And regardless of what side of the grassy knoll you reside on, the point comes to "comfort". But yet and still more yet then I care to admit, I made a 3 week attempt to make it be more. Sometimes thangs are just what they are supposed to be.
But moving forward I begin to wonder....after the morning after, after the night before, when all of the fun is over....sorry had a Frankie Beverly and Maze moment. After all of the evaluation, the loving yourself, the doing you, the stepping out your box dates, and the joys of sleeping in the middle of the bed.....what happens if you meet "that guy"?
You can shout at the highest peek of a salt mountain how ready you are, but until tested how do you really know? You can't create the setting, no matter how you have planned it out in your mind and frequented that one spot where your "ideal mate" could be. You can't create the circumstances in which you two may meet, although you planned casually bumping into him, staring into his eyes, and him offering you the rest of his life at no charge. And most importantly.....you can't create the man!
There are just some moments that we can't predict. And no matter how hard we claim, when we are single that we have left the emotional baggage in the wind, and we'll know when he schmoney dances into our space....do we really know? One thing that I have learned as an actress is you can prepare until you are soar in the limbs. Memorizing your lines, charactarizations, beats, actions, objectives and all the other factors you don't realize play into real life. But after all of the preparation, the most important lesson you learn is to LET IT GO!
You have to trust yourself and your preparation. And you have to realize that knowing when to relinquish control is often the best form of control. There is joy in not over analyzing and enjoying the moment. Sometimes we get too caught up in "our" rules and regulations. We have the societal standards of what something is supposed to look like so deeply rooted in our memory banks that we miss the beauty of the trees for the forest.
If you've basically been in bad apple relationships that after careful analyzing and acceptance you realize was a bust from the beginning anyway....how exactly are you going to know what real looks like? You can pray to baby Jesus with the Debarge family waves and the caramel skin tone, asking for that sign all you want. But you can't avoid the test! You have to let go of what you used to know. And what I mean by that is punishing your potential future for what your past created in you. That insecurity. That uncertainty. The test is created to teach you how to trust....yourself.
Trust yourself enough to know that your past has shaped you, not created you. Your mistakes have given you wisdom, not torn you apart. Your experiences have added to your character, not taken away your beauty. Accept that some moments may not be forever, but they are beautiful just the same. And there are a such thing as beautiful lessons too.
Until next time. Be YOURSELF......
liberated nation.
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