SEX AND SINGLE IN YA 30S: GIRL 6....THE ART OF STORYTELLIN'....

It's Christmas Eve.  I'm relaxing on my couch, legs propped up, having a glass of vino, typing to you. I'm not going home for Christmas.  I'm not happy about that by any stretch of the the imagination.  I would so rather be in my mom's face, having a laugh with my besties, puckering my lips up to a handsome lad, and toasting up a cheers!  But that is not the case and I'm utilizing my peace and quiet to get some good words off <<< ha...that's what he said.

Anyhoo, while sitting here I contemplate the experience of long distance interests. How does one "perform" or "behave" properly in a long distance exchange of interests?  Excuse me but, I feel weird saying relationship.  Basically all the two of you have is an exchange of words and an occasional selfie.  All of which have to be EXTRA on point of course.  But, *sighs*, when ya in ya 30s and you single, you have to learn to open yourself up to all interpretations of getting to know someone.  Letting go......right?!

While embarking on this new journey complete with my hiking boots, rope, natural hair, and khaki shorts, there are some things I've found necessary when long distance interchanging.

MY HIKING GEAR LOOKS BETTER THAN YOURS....

TEXT MESSAGING AND PICS IS AN ABSOLUTE MUST!!!!

No matter how strong your conversation game is those visuals are an absolute SO IMPORTANT!!! Spelling and wit are VERY necessary as well.  You can't carry on a conversation properly without knowing how to freakin' spell.<<< team ebonics  And you can't successfully have your text messaging interpreted correctly without an ounce of wit and character attached.

Interpretation and presentation are so important in this new world.  There are going to be times you may have to look "flawless" like it's date night by the face all while trying to be as sexually casual as possible.  Thank the internet app gods for filters that have created some of the best selfies ever!!!

I LOOK JUST LIKE THIS ERRNIGHT....ERRNIGHT!

INVEST IN A FACE TIME/GLIDE/SKYPE

Getting some live interaction is just about as important as the first impression at the official meet and greet.  You have to expand your creativity and remain open to someone seeing you at your best and worst at any given moment.  After all....isn't that what we want that one to fall in love with?  The real us?

But you have to be careful to utilize these additional features WISELY....partaking in the fun after you have thrown back a few or are feeling uhhh....how shall I word this...."some kind of way", is grounds for trouble and a pool of regret if things don't work out.  Nothing like the "walk of shame" in the cyber world.  It's worse than slipping and falling in a crowded room with a drank in your hand, but never spilling the drank.  You appear to be a professional.....drinker.

Now keep a close eye on your love below.  She probably isn't used to much attention by now and the first stroke of her already immense ego will have her purring like the kitten she is.  You've been warned.

AIN'T NOTHING SLICK TO A CAN OF OIL

The upside is it can bring you and that person closer in a way.  Without actually trying you bring that person deeper into your dark, twisted fantasy world of sexy pajamas, moisturized lips, and undeniable charm.   When any other time your lips are stained with cab, you have on your favorite OU hoodie, and those comfortable socks with the hole in the heel.

SHARE INTERESTS THAT TRANSCEND THE DISTANCE

Focus on the interests between you two that can benefit from the circumstance.  Ladies if he's into sports then you better hop on that bus with a transfer. Or if you got a favorite show, you better lock him the hell in to the point date night is every Tuesday at 9 o'clock!  The unique thing about this world is if you possess even a piece of creative mustard seed you can turn something taboo into something strong that focuses more on the intellectual and interests and less on the physical.

But please refer to the previous bullet point....that video chat and text messaging creates the world....your intellect and wit sustain it. <<< that one was free...

Once you shake the idea that enjoying someone means being physically in their presence, being able to touch them, and look intensely into their eyes is necessary to enjoy them, you will open yourself up to a whole nutha<<< team ebonics world of high school childishness and teenage crush feelings you forgot existed.  You play your cards right and you'll be reliving that "You sleep?"..."huh? Naw I ain't sleep........zzzzzzzz"....good times...

CHOOSE A DATE TO MEET N GREET AND STICK TO IT

REMEMBER....NO NIGHT CAPS!!!

One of the hardest challenges of distance is not only keeping that fire lit, which could possibly drive that love below of yours absolutely crazy.but making an effort!!

When someone crosses your path in the cyber universe....meeting can sometimes be one of the most challenging challenges.  It's more than meeting at the coffee shop in a mutual location or casually bumping into each other at the happening club setting.  You have to actually work for it.

That's the unreachable booger in this scenario.  You have to accept that things that would usually be in your hindsight vision aren't quite as visible.  It's a weird world...one that my in denial 30 PLUS ass wonders if she is up for the upgrade.  But no expectation of the physical can definitely diminish a potential.  Make an effort!!!

CONCLUSION

Be PATIENT!  Even in this fast paced world that we live in now.  Basic principles still apply and they still tell you the outcome before you cash all in.

Be VOCAL!  Communication and understanding are the main leaders in this race.  The percentage in these two needs to be high and effective.  It's much like having 7 senses but only able to utilize 2.   You have to allow those two things to guide you....and trust that.

And finally....Be YOURSELF!  Nothing is more beautiful than who you really are...in all of your imperfections and best traits.  You are the perfect, unique mixture...just how you are!  Believe that without seeing the physical that someone can see the real you.

Until next time.....BE!!!!

#liberatednation

SEX AND SINGLE IN YA 30s....THE ART OF LETTING GO

I have tried a million times to write this blog...lol.  Like seriously I have stared at the screen, much like I'm doing now.  I begin with a great start and then two paragraphs in.....no substance.

I initially was going to talk about the ex-factor, and why it seems so hard to let it go. But in essence, how questionable is that?  The answer is pretty much plain as day: love or familiarity.  And regardless of what side of the grassy knoll you reside on, the point comes to "comfort".  But yet and still more yet then I care to admit, I made a 3 week attempt to make it be more.  Sometimes thangs are just what they are supposed to be.

But moving forward I begin to wonder....after the morning after, after the night before, when all of the fun is over....sorry had a Frankie Beverly and Maze moment.  After all of the evaluation, the loving yourself, the doing you, the stepping out your box dates, and the joys of sleeping in the middle of the bed.....what happens if you meet "that guy"?

You can shout at the highest peek of a salt mountain how ready you are, but until tested how do you really know?  You can't create the setting, no matter how you have planned it out in your mind and frequented that one spot where your "ideal mate" could be.  You can't create the circumstances in which you two may meet, although you planned casually bumping into him, staring into his eyes, and him offering you the rest of his life at no charge.  And most importantly.....you can't create the man!

There are just some moments that we can't predict.  And no matter how hard we claim, when we are single that we have left the emotional baggage in the wind, and we'll know when he schmoney dances into our space....do we really know?  One thing that I have learned as an actress is you can prepare until you are soar in the limbs.  Memorizing your lines, charactarizations, beats, actions, objectives and all the other factors you don't realize play into real life.  But after all of the preparation, the most important lesson you learn is to LET IT GO!

You have to trust yourself and your preparation.  And you have to realize that knowing when to relinquish control is often the best form of control.  There is joy in not over analyzing and enjoying the moment.  Sometimes we get too caught up in "our" rules and regulations.  We have the societal standards of what something is supposed to look like so deeply rooted in our memory banks that we miss the beauty of the trees for the forest.

If you've basically been in bad apple relationships that after careful analyzing and acceptance you realize was a bust from the beginning anyway....how exactly are you going to know what real looks like?  You can pray to baby Jesus with the Debarge family waves and the caramel skin tone, asking for that sign all you want.  But you can't avoid the test!  You have to let go of what you used to know. And what I mean by that is punishing your potential future for what your past created in you.  That insecurity.  That uncertainty.  The test is created to teach you how to trust....yourself.

Trust yourself enough to know that your past has shaped you, not created you.  Your mistakes have given you wisdom, not torn you apart.  Your experiences have added to your character, not taken away your beauty.  Accept that some moments may not be forever, but they are beautiful just the same.  And there are a such thing as beautiful lessons too.

Until next time.  Be YOURSELF......

liberated nation.