DECODING THE SINGLE MENTALITY:......THE EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION OF THE THROWBACK!!!

Greetings and Salutations!!!!  I hope that everyone is feeling blessed and highly favored in this crazy, mixed up world! Even if your circumstances are saying one thing, make sure that your mouth is saying another!  Don't want to give negativity any power.  Okay moving forward......so last week I touched on CHANGE and how us single folks needed to re-evaluate our own struggles silently while we publicly judged others.  That's not what I really said, but that's what we REALLY do.  Anyhoo, it's time to put the new you to the challenge.  Now before embarking on this new journey, tread lightly!  But embrace and most importantly HAVE FUN!

BIRTHDAY GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nothing wrong with having high walls.  Nothing wrong with guarding your emotion and most importantly your heart.  But guess what....in order to receive love, affection, companionship...shit happiness period, you have to give it as well.  As I touched on last week, you can't expect for someone to be all of these things FOR you and you be absolutely nothing to them.  But that's already been discussed.  Now let's discuss the next phase. Let's discuss after you've cleaned out your closet a little bit and organized some stuff and can see and breathe a little more clearly.  You've picked up some of your newly discovered baggage and disposed of it and you are feeling a little lighter.  It's time to revisit your past.  I know that you've heard that old negro spiritual that if you don't know your past, then you are doomed to repeat it!  Well that isn't just for the abolishment of slavery, that is key when starting any new chapter in your life.

REFLECTION IS NECESSARY TO CELEBRATE YOUR FUTURE

Now by no means am I suggesting going back to that demon spawn with the good ding ding, or bank account, or hair that you had to pray yourself away from.  NO!  You stay far, far away from that spirit! Don't use my perfectly harmless blog as a reason to give that crack rock a call.  I am however saying, revisit the guys that you really didn't give a fair chance to; for whatever reason.  You were possibly going through that phase in your woman where you had a list of characteristics and that poor soul had a piece of lint in his hair and didn't meet the criteria.  Or his bank account or weight wasn't quite to your standards.  Or let's be real, he wasn't what you were used to, but all in all he was a pretty nice guy.  Give that guy a rind ding doodle.

I've even went as far as to take notes.  I wanted to know what initially turned me off, and now that I'm in my new place, do I still feel the same way?  Is it something that can be overlooked or is the Rick Ross syndrome just too dayum real?

OF COURSE THINGS COULD CHANGE IF HE SMELLS AS GOOD AS I THINK HE DOES

There have even been some situationships that I've revisited that I felt like I was too mentally unstable and utilized sex as my control and attempt at blocking emotion.  LOL...I know...that was just my clinical, sophisticated way of saying that I smashed a dude that wasn't my man because the ding ding was nice! However you want to word it, it happened and I went back to that guy to see if there was something really there or if it was just the sexual attraction.  Well after assessing the situationship more "thoroughly", I realized that the ding ding wasn't as phenom as I initially thought and although we had a connection, it wasn't THE connection.

Now what I also took note of were the similarities.  How were these guys alike and did the red flag have anything to do with these similarities? What were things that I could/could not do without? What were things that I could/could not work with?  I know it seems like a lot to do, but I don't think that us women assess these potentials enough.  A lot of times we stumble into the next thing instead of boldly walking into things with a clear mind of what we have before us.  I want to alleviate all of the hazards that I can at the moment. I don't want to go into my future still ignoring warning signs or walking away from something great because he wasn't familiar.

NERDS!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say I am still on the single train, but I can honestly say that things that were deal breakers for me....well they are DEAL BREAKERS more than ever now, and things that I once thought were important.....ARE STILL DAYUM IMPORTANT!!!

You have to treat people you invite in your life to an interview process.  Your circle is too crucial to your mental, spiritual, and emotional growth for you to invite just anyone into your life.  And sometimes it's necessary to revisit overlooked job applications to see if you currently have a position available for them. May not be a manager position but maybe they are good at answering phones.

Enjoy your new season!!!!  Until next time.

DECODING OF THE SINGLE MENTALITY: NUMERO THREE....

Okay so I'm back.  I had to step away for a few and find my dayum happy!!!  Sheesh....I was frustrating my daggone self.  But sometimes you just have to get that stuff out.  It does no justice and it makes you no more stronger to hold all of that crap in and suffocate yourself from the inside out.  I myself find it quite therapeutic.  But every vent session needs a "sit yo ass down and get it together" moment.  And I had to go ahead and have that come to Jesus meeting with myself for a few weeks.

SOMETIMES GOTTA FALL ON THAT ALTAH!!!!!

Anyhoo....back to the fun and back to life!!!!  When life is good, it is oh sooooo good, but when it's bad, you gotta learn how to stick, move, and protect ya rib cage.  That brings me back to the DECODING portion of my SINGLE MENTALITY rant!  And that brings me to my next tip....

So on my down time you know I staaaayed in front of the television.  I mean I watched Wendy Williams, Divorce Court, TMZ, LHHATL....etc., you name it and I could probably catch you up on what was the goinz on of ratchet t.v.  But what I picked up on and had to ask myself was what about me did I need to change???

We are so quick to point a finger and read someone else.  We have all of the advice in the world when it comes to another person's lifestyle choices and/or situations.  We know EXACTLY what we would've done had it been us in that situation or what WE would do if we had all of that money.  But the real question we should be asking ourselves is what are we doing with ourselves now?  Everyone has problems.  No one is above them, and everyone has enough going on in their lives to where they really don't need to be focused on how another eats, sleeps, and shits...but we do it anyway.

For the first few weeks, like everyone else I was caught up in ratchet world (still am). I ate my popcorn, drank my wine and waved my finger at the television talking about how these heauxs ain't loyal! Subconsciously I was being passive aggressive about my own situation.  I didn't know how to deal with my own shit, so I figured I'd play Dr. Philomena to someone else's.  But as time progressed on, and my situation got progressively worse, I really had to look deeper into ratchet world and realize I had the same problem as these characters.....I needed re-tweaking.

GOTTA KNOW WHEN TO CUT IT ON CHILE!!

We often pray and/or hope for a better life.  But seldom do most of us get out of our own daggone way in order to have what we hope and pray for.  We become stagnant to redundant actions.  I say stagnant instead of complacent, content, comfortable, or appeased because those terms equate to a level of happiness. Stagnant is stale, stuck, lazy, passive, dormant, DEAD!  We become so dead to walking in circles that our bodies and our minds just do it!  And living our lives vicariously through other individuals feeds this pig.   I realized that this was me.  Full of hopes, dreams, destiny, purpose, but unwilling to sacrifice my comfortable mentality. So used to hoping and doing just enough and not used to pushing harder and taking the necessary steps.  That could be my lifetime.  Just falling into situations and living on what I could've been or who I used to be. That is scary!  So comfortable with who I had become....smh

I've used the phrase so many times before that "I'm so many things to so many people"....this isn't a bad phrase, but I had to stop and ask myself who I was to me???  And did I want to be that person?  And if so, how do I change that?  How do I re-tweak that.  This plays into the most simplest things in life.  For these last few months, it never crossed my mind to re-tweak my dayum resume.  Never did.  This guy and I were chopping it up while I was getting my oil changed.  Random convo of course.  He mentions how he just got this job and how he had to change up his resume a bit.  That's when I swear that Jesus hit me over the head with a hammer and said "Dufus this is what I've been trying to drill in your head...CAN YA HEAR ME NOW?"

Being single...we pray for what we want, but do we prepare and position ourselves for what we want?  Do we fix what needs to be fixed?  Do we change out what needs to be changed out?  Remember....we have to be what the other person wants too!  We can't just be out chea living life as a 5 and expecting a 10 to meet us where we at....Not saying that it can't happen but why not be your best for someone?  Why wait for someone to come and make you better?  If you know what you need to do, then why not start making the necessary moves?

I say time and time again that we have to break bad habits and form good habits that will cause people that we need and want in our lives to be attracted and allured by the light we provide.  Well I don't say it time and time again, but best believe that I'm going to start now that I'm living it.

Most of the time we have to start from the inside.  Our actions/choices outside are usually a manifestation of what we have going on in the inside.  Sometimes it's necessary to break down our old belief systems and foundations; and rebuild a stronger, better, life lasting one.  And sometimes it takes for you to lose everything you thought was holding you together.  Re-tweaking your relationship with Jesus may be necessary too....Hey the preacha in me said it....NOT ME lol...

Keep it live and keep it sexy.....until next week!!!!

Thanks for rockin!!!

****Oh and I noticed that google has done something with my daggone pics.....NOT COOL!!!....so I may have to think of some more visuals to bring balance to my long-wind-ed-ness.....stay tuned!!