Anyhoo, I must acknowledge my growth, accomplishments, and my triumphant feet over my obstacles!!! True it has been a while, but I did what I had/needed to do...and most importantly, I made my way back :)
So now to the GOOD stuff
During my hiatus I've discovered a few things. One most importantly....when you are busy, you aren't thinking about a ninja* <<< this pertains to any ethnicity. As a matter of factly, if you come across someone that isn't on the kind of hustle that you're on, it's an ABSOLUTE turn off! And well let's just say...I'm turned the hell off!
When I initially came into this writing thing a year ago, it was a challenge to myself. I was seemingly through with my choice in men. I vowed to discover within myself what in the blue mountain fuck was wrong with me to where I attracted the dead end situationships I was attracting. Key word SITUATIONSHIP!! And I did! I broke me down and notated my discoveries. It was wild and fun to explore, date and find out my likes, dislikes, preferences, deal breakers...shit was cool.
BUT.....after that, then what??!!! Because it's not always us...the woman. We aren't always at fault. We aren't always the ones that need to DO BETTER! And upon that discovery, I discovered that general sex is whack as hell and can lead you on some pointless detours, and stepping outside of your preferential box is total bullshit!
CASE IN POINT
You get horny and you think, "He's sufficient.", "He'll do.", "I like his smile", "He makes me laugh" and that's just the appetizer. Let's not count in a few drinks, a good dinner, some more drinks, and some nice music and two stepping. By the end of the evening you're planning THE LIFE. Crazy where need and emotion mixed will take you. But then after the after party you begin to realize that it's all a waste of time...that your bed feels much better...that you didn't cum, you really faked it....and the big "A HA" that you are really better and can do better than this dude!
In no way am I saying that all men are shit or even the dude you end up in a situationship is shit. But what I am definitely stressing is that EVERYTHING that LOOKS and FEELS good to ya doesn't mean it's the best thing for ya. In the grand scheme of things.
Let's take it a step further....let's say...for hypothetical scenarios that you take this ninja* <<< refer to previous reference, seriously. You fall into the "good morning" texts, the late night phone calls, the womanly instinct to provide a home..for him...a safe haven. This safe haven can convene in between your legs, the ride you give him to work, or the "I just threw something together, but I really pulled out my grandma's recipe" home cooked meal....
Then the a week, month, and sometimes if the ding ding is really good, a year or two can zumba on by and you FINALLY realize that.....you can do better that the situation you've landed yourself in. You finally accept wanted to make it work for your sanity's sake and your fans.
Aside from all the bullshit that falls out your mouth about how you won't take shit from no ninja*, you needed to believe that he was different. That what you chose to let into your space was worth it. But was it really worth it? In the midst of trying to get wifed you lose yourself. You can potentially lose your ambition, your personal goals, and your dayum mind!! You can say you found your strength, but what about the strength in the beginning, at the restaurant, during the appetizer when he couldn't chew with his mouth closed? But....the flesh gets lonely.
THE CONCLUSION
Then the task of stepping outside your box. There are some things that just don't bend. There are some areas that govern NO negotiation. And I discovered that. Having preferences is not, by any means a bad thing. I don't care if you meet the mark yourself or not. There is someone out there for everyone, and you are attracted to what you are attracted to for a reason. Damn the human issued guidelines! Just because you look a certain way, are a certain color, dress a type of way, or like a type of thing doesn't box you into a particular category of who is attracted to you. It takes a charming muhfudga to win you over when they don't at the very dayum least meet at least one of your top 10 criteria, and let's face it....the world isn't quite filled with them witty bastahds.So in conclusion.....if you are single, bask in that shit! Stop praying for a man and just live, stop looking for a man and just live, stop WAITING on a man and just freakin live. Do yourself a solid* <<<< hood lingo for "favor". Don't bend to settle, accommodate your emotions, or the good enough. You deserve the best!!
Until next time......be great #liberatednation
