VALENTINE'S DAY EDITION
I am so busy! That's kind of weird coming out of the mouth of a chic that is 0/3 in the key essentials of being an adult category. I would bore you with ev-er-y-thing that I have going on, but that's not what this is about today. I have a rant brewing in my spirit and I'm taking it to this blog for release.
P.S., If you are one of my grown ass readers that is more entertained by the silly pics that I post, more than my words, then this won't be the blog for ya! Buh-bye!!!!!
I was reading one of my fave blogs today, Black Girls Are Easy and the blog I read was entitled REASONS WHY YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS A LIE! At first, like most times, I was hesitant to read the blog because it pinches so many nerves with me. There's sadly a lot of truth in the subject manners and sometimes the truth is hard to hear. I usually leave the blog feeling enlightened, convicted, pissed, and full of a lot of mental notations......but today it was so profound and shook me so much that I had to take it to my own blog!
CHECKING EMAILS
Women......we need to do better! Point blank and the period. Our choices in who we let in our lives to shit all over us, is a tell tell sign to other "ain't shits" about how we think of ourselves. We unknowingly are sending out dog whistles to all of the other lazy bums of the world that we are available to be used and abused! We give these bums power to crap all over us and we give them our everything and then when they don't reciprocate or use us all up, then we are left picking up the broken pieces of our heart. It's a sad thing to admit, but dammit so is admitting that you bought a bad weave. Sometimes you have to accept things as what they are.
Sometimes mending our broken hearts from bums makes us miss out on a sure fire man! And then the cycle continues. We get so used to being chose by the bums that we continue the sad, sad cycle of getting hurt. Or what's worse, we end up ruining a good relationship with a good man because we are so afraid of being hurt again.
Women we need to get our heads out of la la land and stop listening and start paying attention. People always show better then they can tell. If he tells you one thing, but his actions are matching something different, then that is a sign. Stop using the excuse, "If he don't want me then why doesn't he just say so?"....there are a million and a half answers to this question. And most come in the form of ACTION...take the blinders off and pay attention! But at the end of it all, respect yourself enough to not allow yourself to be toyed around with. If he wants to be with you, he will. If he really loves you, then he won't have a problem showing it. If it's real then it will be more than a facebook status!
Keep in mind that men/people will be whatever you want them to be in order to get what they want for the time being. So stop living in the past of when he "used" to act right, when he "used" to wine and dine ya, when he "used" to not get enough of being around. If his financial status hasn't changed or there hasn't been some drastic change in his life, then as time goes on he should still desire to do these things. Love comes with time so as time goes on, his desire to make you smile diminishes, then maybe you need to fade to black on his ass as well.
REAL TALK TIME
Just because a man has good dinkle, doesn't mean he is a good man! NEWS FLASH, we grown so if a man has good dinkle, please know that he knows he has good dinkle, and please know that if YOU know he has good dinkle, then about 25 other chics know the SAME exact thing and are governing themselves accordingly in his life according to his need for them...much like you. It's about 10 chics to one man convincing themselves that he is the one, creating a space for him in their life, convincing themselves that his kindergarten etiquette holds some value in their life, and most sad convincing themselves their is a bond/relationship where there is none. And don't exclude yourself from this paragraph if the dinkle statement doesn't apply to you! Remove the word "dinkle" and replace with "personality", "father", "son", "Christian", "financial planner"...etc., it ALL applies! He could be great at these things, but suck as a boyfriend, husband...etc.
Stop basing your relationships off of sex! We are women! We are emotional, catering creatures. We are not created like men. Sometimes we can move how men move, but that takes a lot more effort and energy on our behalf. We need to stop pretending that we can do what they do. This usually leaves a lot of as single parents, feeling played, judged as hoes, or just flat out alone! I can truly say that men don't want women that act like men, but women that act like women. There is power in our discipline. Remember that.
Women, we have to stop giving passes to these mediocre men because we are lonely, horny, financially challenged, a Christian, a non-believer, a deep thinker, etc. Yeah I said it because it needs to be said. We need to stop dumbing ourselves down to make someone that acts like half of a man, feel like a whole one! And I don't just mean mentally. Anytime that you compromise your value, belief, standard, education, growth, common dayum sense in order to cater to another individual then you are dumbing yourself down.
We've convinced ourselves that THIS is humbleness, that this is apart of CATERING TO YOUR MAN, that this is OUR ROLE! We all have faults, but in no way should his faults require you to step beneath yourself in order to make him feel a way. If anything he should rise to the occasion (no pun intended) No ma'am.....IF we are in a presence of a man that loves us, then our main job as women is to make sure that he is a productive, God-fearing, fearless, confident, and a strategic leader! Somebody that we can follow, we can trust in and depend on. We get with these men that at the first sign of trouble throw you in front of the bullet to shield themselves, and then call you a week later to make sure you aight! Stop pacifying these weak minded men in order to make them feel like men! Challenge him don't be his "yes" woman.
Stop allowing yourself to be treated like a fool! Women, we know the game! We see it happen to our homegirls, the bitches that we don't like, and some of us have seen our mommas go through the worst parts of the game. So why do we get with this "ain't shit" and pretend that fat meat ain't greasy? Why do we WILLINGLY and PROUDLY most times, take our place as the "seat filler". You don't know what that is??? That's someone that fills a seat until the real star gets there. We deal with the no call/no shows, the broken promises, the half truths, the mediocre efforts, the other women, the broken hearts, the sleepless nights, the endless tears....WE DON'T HAVE TO LIVE THAT LIFE!
Women, pay attention to the signs! We sit here and pretend like certain things that have a right to be important to us aren't. Like Valentine's Day. Of course, it's a man made holiday and we can go on these philosophical rants about how this holiday is just an excuse to spend money and blah, blah, blah....but to a new relationship...IT'S IMPORTANT! Let me tell yal something, my dad sent my mom flowers EVERY Valentine's Day for 20 years up until the day that he died, so let's not downplay the day. Now if you are a couple and you two have mutually come to some kind of a agreement then I'm not talking to you. But to you wimmenz that are pretending that you don't care but on the inside you are hoping that you are the "chosen one" this year, then this is for you! YOU WILL NEVER BE THE CHOSEN ONE....you may be second, third, or fourth choice, but you will never be his first option! He doesn't care about you enough to make you smile. He has exactly what he wants out of you and there is no need to make further effort. Take it from a woman who waited 10 years to be the chosen one. Who wants to be second, third, or fourth of anything? Why settle for that?
In conclusion, we can blame the man all day everyday for what he actually does....but we can't blame the man for what we do to ourselves! Emotion isn't everything! Sometimes it's necessary to apply logic to your situations and allow the pros to outweigh the cons. Some people that you want in your life, don't need to be in your life. Sometimes you can't love him or yourself enough for the both of you. Sometimes you are just filling his seat.
Closing out with this song....HAPPY VALENTINES DAY FOLKS!
